Revelation

A sense of weightlessness and a feeling of floating 1st erupted into my mind, no thoughts of what had just happened invaded. The pain was no longer there, it was erased just like all the memories of before this moment. The thoughts of my family, friends, enemies, even the guy that makes my coffee were dissipating from my mind like chalk being erased from a board. Was it a bus? A bullet? Damn can’t recall anything but this feeling of floating it’s like the commercials of the NASA space astronauts. My eyes burn so very badly it’s like I have never viewed anything this white, the incandescent light is emanating from the floor, the ceiling, the walls, it’s like being in a room that doesn’t seem to have any walls. The light is actually the walls, there is nothing encapsulating me or holding me in this room, but its like I am floating, I can’t tell if I am floating upwards, or downwards, it’s like I am in limbo.
The realization of what had actually happened assaulted my mind all at once, I remember being shot by the robber in that gas station. How his eyes had shot hate at me at the exact moment that I had reached for the gun and grabbed his arm, that hate had hit me at the same time as the bullet. It was the last thing I would ever recall from earth, and it was becoming so very hard to hold onto that physical realization, everything was being torn from my mind, I am being stripped away of my freedoms, thoughts, my very humanity. That hateful look, I would remember it, nothing would take it from me, I hated that, that man had taken my life, he had robbed me of all that I was, and I would be damned if I would forget what he looked like or what he had done to me.
Fighting so very hard to hold onto that memory, I could feel my kids being torn from my mind, could feel my love being ripped away, so our 1st kiss floating out of my head into that light, could feel her soft body against mine being replaced with an emptiness of sorts, one that let me know something had been there, like the man that had his arm amputated, but still moved it while speaking although it was no longer there. This mental rape took all of my fantasies, all my desires, robbed me of everything that made me….me.
Pain was left to me; it was the one thing other than that man’s face that I was left with, the roaring pain the explosive pain that erupted throughout my being, it felt as if my spine was being torn into pieces. Screaming into the light, my voice was robbed of its decibels when it hit the light it became silent.
My shoulder blades were twisted and turned, my sinews ripped, I felt skin erupt, blood poured out over my arms, it ran down between my fingertips. Screaming only to hear the sound disappear into the light my back turned to accommodate whatever it was that was happening to me. Holes were bored out in my back, and I felt the tickling sensation of skin healing how I itched and then the blood ran back up my fingertips, flowing upwards it seemed back into my back and I felt the leathery sprouting and the smell of dander emerge from my back. Sensation returned and strangely I felt like I had more limbs, the wings that had grown into my back made me feel like I had four arms, I had complete control over them, it was as if I had been born this way.
Stretching my new limbs my amazement was satiated by the feeling that all was right, and I almost let go of the man who had shot me, and the hate that went with his visage.
My wings were an amazing white, one that matched the walls of my confinement. Moving them only made me feel better, made me feel freer. I longed to soar as I knew I could, to fly out over the world and to discover what I was truly intended for. The feeling that I was finally where I belonged, where life had intended for me to end up burst through my being, it filled me up, made me full, replaced all the memories that I had lost, my wife, kids, loved ones, fishing with my father. All of these seemed trivial compared to the eyes I felt watching me, the eyes of my true father, the one that I knew had made me. The being that had put all the complexities that had made myself…myself. The love I felt moving through these white confining boundaries fell into me and I knew that that feeling was only the surface, it was only the top of the wellspring that was this love, this being, and this heaven that was being offered to me.
The hand moved towards me reaching for my own, even the hand was beautiful it was silken looking, I knew it was the softest, yet most powerful hand in existence. Everything in my mind made me want to reach and take it, it was the right thing to do, to take this wonderful hand and to accept this wonderful feeling. When I moved my hand to take his, a wall of light and white stopped my hand, it blocked me creating a field that I could not penetrate, I tried to force my hand through but fire and pain welted my hand, forcing me backwards. Every time I went to take this angelic beings hand, that man that had killed me’s shark eyes filled my thoughts and would not leave, that hate had followed me here to this place and with it I was not going to be allowed in.
With this realization the sensation of floating stopped, the walls of my confinement stayed true, but the one below me grew steadily darker, and with the broken congruity the feeling of floating was replaced with falling!
Then the real pain started, the feeling of floating became more than a feeling, it became a reality, I could see the movement of my surroundings blurring, and try as I might my new wings would not stop my propulsion to the ground.
The burning started, my clothes or skin, I was moving far too fast to tell seemed to melt, it was as if I was coming through the atmosphere, like a spaceship, yet I did not have a burn shield, my eyes melted away from the infernal heat, blood poured from every orifice of my being, my body became a lump of smoldering pitch. At some point I ran out of blood and skin, even my skeleton had melted, yet still I remained corporeal, my wings were still physically there, but I was moving far too fast and with no eyes all I could experience was feeling. The pain and heat intensified exponentially as I felt myself approach the ground. And with an enormous crash I felt what I thought was my spine shatter on what felt like a jagged massive rock. My wings twisted and broke, they were no longer L’s but now felt more to resemble a S. This pain was the worst, the breaking of my spine or whatever it was; the burning sensation of what I hoped was my skin, and then the hands, scaly and claw tipped. The claws tearing into me, creating an itching sensation like when a cat scratches you, and oh how they tore into my wings, the most sensitive property of my remaining body, they pulled and tore and ripped, some of them must have brandished tools made specifically for this purpose, because a sawing sound buzzed into me, and pain mounted worse than anything you could possibly fathom, no words, no voice, nothing could explain the pain and feeling that decimated my will and shattered all of my remaining being.
Yet still the man’s hate filled eyes remained, no matter the pain, no matter the horrors They inflicted upon me, I could not shake his eyes, the eyes of a killer, one that no more thought about the man he had shot then what he had had for dinner the night before.
Still they worked on my wings, I could hear screeching sounds from their in my mind doglike lips. Explosive pain erupted through my left shoulder as one of my wings was sawed and torn off, the nub was still trying to move, and I could feel it twitching my mind was shattered and I could not even focus on the man and his evil killer’s eyes. Fire spewed forth from the hole where my wing had been scorching the remaining nub off and destroying all the evidence of the purity and peace I had experienced moments earlier.
The exalted screams of the doglike creatures reached an all time high when my other wings was ripped from my body and fire poured forth decimating all my hope of ever reaching the place where I knew I wanted to be.
Their whoops and hollers slowly began to rationalize in my mind and began to form words. “The master is coming! He will be pleased to know we finally broke him down”. The guttural tone of these creatures held a strange respect and I knew I didn’t want to meet this master they were referring to.
After all the pain, I couldn’t wrap my mind around the fact that I could still think, could understand these strange creatures, and still why I could still feel my skin, even though it was beyond hot in this place. Also my eyesight was slowly returning, it was like I was being tortured and painfully hurt, yet I was healing at the same time, as if it was all one big reciprocal circle, pain, heal, pain, heal.
As sight returned to me, it was like awakening in the middle of the night, you can’t actually see, but there are silhouettes everywhere of objects shrouded in black; however in this case a fiery silhouette shrouded everything, and there were no shadows, because this cavernous pit I found myself in had no sun, and in a place so very likely hell, there could never be a sun. The ceilings seemed to go on forever even though I could see the tops I could not gauge how tall it actually was. The walls were a blood red although every fifteen meters or so on the floor there was a pit of bubbling lava, emitting a gas I could only gauge as poisonous.
The creatures were just that creatures, they resembled things from the Island of Dr Moreau. Animal mixes with lacerating wounds all over their bodies like that of a whip lash. There were large ones, small ones, middle sized ones, and for every hundred or so I saw there was a even larger one resembling a 13 foot tall doglike pit demon, they each wielded a whip with a fork tongue, herding the smaller demonoids forward forcing them to march in procession towards a dais. Where sat halfway towards the ceiling the largest monstrosity I have ever seen.
His mouth curled into a smile, one that mocked humanity, tusks protruded outwards like that of a giant boar, he was easily 20 feet tall and thicker than any football player could ever hope to be. His fingers were all the same length, each had a thick claw on the end, and scales protected the exposed parts of his body. Armor plating of some metal I have never seen before coated his chest and legs; no helmet was needed because of an immense broken crown with a blood red ruby set in the middle that sat atop his head. Next to his throne, one that was entirely made of flames, flames that didn’t burn this behemoth, sat a rod, one in the form of a cross, this cross was upside down and it became apparent just who this monster was.
Looking right at this monster, gritting my teeth to concentrate, his eyes were the exact same as the eyes of the man that had killed me. Blinking from the heat that had filled my eyes, I reopened them to find myself staring at the most beautiful man I have ever seen. He resembled a movie star, but one that had an aura about him that demanded respect, demanded love, and demanded respect. His naked body was one you would find on a magazine cover, and his face was that of a greek marble statue. Perfection smiled out over his now transformed demonoids, they had transformed into humans, looking like a crowded street in New York, and they all bowed to this man appearing to be in his thirties. His smile curved and his beautiful features accentuated, making my knees go weak.
Strangely I couldn’t recall what he had looked like earlier before I blinked.
I desired this man, I wanted him, wanted to make him happy, and would do anything to make him notice me. I could tell that he knew that everyone in this room desired him, the way he sat in his ivory inlaid throne gave it away. I suddenly wanted to look in his eyes, wanted to see the eyes of perfection, to know what true desire looked like. When I stared into them they had not changed from earlier, and those memories came crashing down, his eyes, the eyes of a killer shone out over all of his now retransformed demons. With this realization I could see him for both of his sides, like those things you buy your kids that if you tilt one way you can see one picture, then tilt the other way and see a different picture. That is what this man/monster became to me. His lie had been exposed and I recalled the love and serene feeling I had felt before my plummet. At this time I knew that I had to find a way back to that place, and I knew I would do anything to earn my way back in.
Optimistically I hoped that my torture had subsided, and the pain actually began to dull to calm, needles in your skin kind of pain, instead of flesh melting blood boiling pain.
Crack! A whip! I began to laugh to myself, wondering how cinema had gotten the ideal of hell so perfectly right. It was so cliché yet the pain was so very much underscored, a chain of fire was fitted around my neck and the man on the throne stood and pointed at me. The fire burned my neck I could feel the heat against the bone, and I knew that my pain had only just begun.

Such A Great Distance Is Holding Us Apart

Such a great distance seems to be holding both of us apart
Somehow, someway, without touching you already held my heart
Your lips voiced out your country twang and them I ached to kiss
Such a great distance makes me think of all that i have missed
The right job? The right life? The right girl? Whichever should I choose
It seems that no matter how I pick, the others I will lose
You make me think about all the choices I have made
The life ive lived! The love ive had! the cards that i have played
Yet smiles seem to dominate and overlay the cries
But when I think about you I wish I had two lives
You made me care about you more then others I have known
You did all this with text messages, pics, and conversations on a phone

Strangers Passing

We never meant to fall in love when 1st we locked our eyes
The depth and emotion I found there completely took me by surprise
You stared at me and looked right through all my imperfections
That stare devoloped all throughout and broke me into sections
You looked at me and saw the boy that wanted to be a man
Your eyes they knew everything, from birth, to life, my plan
I missed a step because of you, your mouth curled to a smile
And just like that we walked on by; both affected for quite awhile

Why Were All Alone

From the first kisses we have nervously had
To the love that we have lost
From the passion that revolves in us
To heartbreaks awful cost

For life is always throwing at us all that it can muster
From cheating hearts, and midnight love, the tears forever after
The ride is all that matters not the fall or climb back on
The feeling that we all get when there is no more cheers and laughter

This love seems like a carousel, around the same predestined track
We wish that we could find something more, something worth our time
We wish that we could summon forth the will to love our kind
Yet we all know the reason were alone is our own sad petty crime.

Dreams Within Breaths of Seconds

The tiny breaths we take in the insignificant seconds we live in. No memory is too sharp that it remembers all that the eyes have seen, nor all that the nose has smelled, not even the pain we felt or pleasure we have recieved. Life is so strange how it glitters before us with all the hope of all the millions of seconds that we have, yet as they tick away our dreams become realities, or become something we just place on a shelf, sighing to ourselves about all that we could have accomplished. Those breaths we take among those seconds we live within a reality that we have discovered can be anything we decide that it is. The empowering lives we all live make us fear that someday we will achieve all that we desire, because the beauty of a dream lived within a breath within a multitude of seconds is that dreams are things that are never supposed to become realities. Otherwise they would be goals, achievable beyond measure, dreams are what make human beings the envy of all living things.

The Man I'd Be For You

Amazing how your smile one that I barely even know
Makes me pause and think about all the places this could go
To hear your voice the one that matches that sparkle in your eyes
To know that every guy sees you as nothing more then a prize
Something about the way you walk or just the way you stand
Makes me feel an utter fool for all of my life ive planned
I'd change plans or capture stars, or just be there for you
The man that you deserve i'd be, eternally and true

Waters of Change

The world is a series of ever changing shapes, in this it is essentially easy to understand why most of our planet is made up of water. Water is one of the most malleable of compounds. It can be a solid, a liquid, even a gas. Water much like the people of the world is constantly changing, often sustaining life, sometimes destroying it! It takes on so many shapes there is no distinct view of what water really is, nor what its full potential could be. This makes water so like the human race because of it volatile nature, and its complex adaptive systems. Given time water can change landscapes, seep into cracks unseen by the human eye and then change shape by freezing and given enough time can destroy entire buildings, roads, and bridges. This is comparible to human beings who over time have changed the entire landscape of the world, building empires of brick, masonry, and timber. These changes of the scope of our world are monumental to be put lightly and one can only wonder when our time to change shape will be, when we inadvertently destroy a metaphoric bridge or building that is the world we live in.

Chapter 1

Breathing deeply, the padding footfalls of a lone jogger on a blank stretch of highway smoothly accelerated up a steep embankment of a familiar hilltop, this hilltop was one he had climbed every morning for the last four months. The familiarity of the run calmed the mind that was although tranquil on this run always at unease. Rhythmic breathing followed by rhythmic joggers’ steps propelled the man onward towards his destination, towards his home…. Strangely it felt like home, but the man knew he was on borrowed time, always They came for him, always They found him, and always unspeakable terrible things happened to the inhabitants of the places he called home. Closing his eyes, the man continued to run the road he knew so well, taking in the fresh scents of the Colorado mountain air, he knew there was a family of deer nearby, although how he never really understood, it was one of his gifts one of the ones he had paid so dearly to receive. The gifts always got stronger when They got near, always They found him, how he never knew, but for once he was considering running, escaping from Them before harm could come to the inhabitants of this sleepy mountain town he had made his home. Fear was not really a part of it, but the empathy he felt for the people of the town called Diggers Ford, they had touched him somehow, invaded into him the way he had invaded into them, and for once the fear he felt for himself had changed into outrage at what They would do to the people of Diggers Ford to try and catch him, to try and take him back to that place. Gods! That place! A cold sweat erupted out on his skin causing goose bumps to explode onto his forearms and the nape of his neck. The sense of the family of deer bedded down a mile or so off of the highway charged into his mind and he knew they like so many around them were healthy, and happy, having just had a fawn the mother doe was nurturing him, he could feel the love emanate out of her towards the spring ling, could smell her glands and how they mixed with her fawns. He could also sense with amazing clarity the whisper of the mountain lion stalking nearby, she would narrowly miss the bedded down deer, but it was only because the wind was blowing downwind of the lion and the mother doe would smell the predator long before he arrived. Amazingly how this situation mirrored his own, how he knew his predator was coming for him, yet he wanted….needed to stand his ground and defend what had truly for the first time in what seemed like lifetimes become his true home. Curse Them! He screamed at the top of his lungs, and with the same clarity he had sensing the animals, he knew that They had heard him, that They were so very close now, and They had powers that rivaled his own, although in dark twisted ways, ways that defiled life, powers that would demand many lives and cause vast amounts of pain!
The road began to descend towards the room he rented from widow Nel, she was an older woman, in her late sixties, and her husband David had recently passed on from a heart attack. This had left her alone and having a farm to run and little money left over from the insurance policy she had taken to renting rooms out to wayward travelers in exchange for some sweat and good ole fashioned put your back into it work.
Graham Sullivan had met Nel four months earlier while walking through town on his escape from one wrecked place to hopefully somewhere he could find some peace. She had immediately noticed his solid frame not from a sexual viewpoint but one of a seasoned trader who understood what she perceived as the true value of a man.
Nel pulled her old 1988 Dodge Diesel up and manually rolled the window down to get a better view of this impressive looking stranger. Nel noticed right off that even riding in her oversized diesel rig this man could look her directly in the eye, he must be at least 6’3, and the width of his shoulders hinted at a frame of at least 230lbs. She instantly liked this stranger, something sad in his bluish green orbs said I’m a good man, I’ve just hit hard times, you can trust me and I would never hurt you. Strange how those exact words went off in her head and at the same time she felt as if she had formed them and put them there.
What a catch Nel thought, now if he only likes fried chicken and biscuits I can broker a deal. She smiled to herself when she thought of this, because who had ever met someone that didn’t like fried chicken and biscuits anyhow!
A few hours later the two of them were seated at her dining room table deep in conversation that only seemed to be stemmed from one side of the room, and from one oversized pudgy mouth.
Nel had never been a beautiful woman, she resembled a tomboy, always wearing jeans, and a ball cap, always comfortable and always smiling, even the death of her husband could not slow this woman down. Nel has an appetite for life and being able to cook had put a sparkle in her chestnut colored eyes, one that unmistakable said yes I was a mother, yes I was a housewife, yes I am a god faring Christian, and yes wipe your damn feet before you come in my house!
The conversation stayed mostly on key about working arrangements, and Graham after some doing had been talked into taking a room in the guest house, as well as a minimum wage paycheck, and free meals. Before dinner concluded, Nel looked at Graham, at the quick way his hands moved about his plate to stack his dishes, and how his entire body seemed in tune with whatever he seemed to be doing, it was even like that with the way he climbed into the back of the truck! He resembled a dancer and a football player, it was such a strange combination, but Nel disregarded it as good fortune, and filed it away to pray for her new found friend and employee.
Nel spoke as the two of them stood…”Graham, where are you from? Are you running from something?” and strangely she added, “Is there anything I can do to help you?”
Graham composed and with those same sad eyes locked into her, and he spoke the first sentence she ever heard him utter, “Mam, I came from a place I never care to go again, and yes I’ve been running all my life, and I thank you for wanting to help, believe me you are”. With that Graham slid out of the room with that athletic stride ducked under the doorframe and silently let himself out to the guesthouse.
Nel was soothed by his voice, it was not remarkable at all, but something in the undertone, something in it the same way as his eyes, said I have been and seen more then you could ever imagine, and none of it was good. Yet here I am still alive, still living life and still a good person. Nel decided right then to spend a long time with her prayers that evening.
The following day Nel woke early as usual, around 5AM and began the task of preparing breakfast, something about having a man to cook for again had made her feel ten years younger and she celebrated this by cooking: pancakes, eggs, bacon, sausage, and hot maple syrup.
After setting the table Nel realized that Graham was still not up and she decided that she was more than spoiling her lazy help and with that she was out to scold him for not being up yet. Opening the door to the guesthouse caused an ole creak, and Nel thought how lax she had been with the house since Davids death.
Looking inside Nel realized that the bed had not been slept in, that nothing had been disturbed, she began to wonder if the man she had trusted so completely the night before, had actually become a thief of some sort or done some other terrible things around her farm.
A noise outside broke her daydreaming state, it was the cow in the barn, and the horses whinnying, something was definitely disturbing them, Nel prayed that Graham had not ventured into the stall with Thunder, he was an ex race horse who she had rescued from being made into glue or some other monstrosity.
Racing herself out to the barn, Nel turned the corner seeing the barn door halfway open, and she imagined the scene that would be in front of her,
Graham lay sprawled out, blood running from his head, and his shoulder half out of its socket, a slight moan escaped his lip, yet his life was surely slipping away. Nel heard herself scream and knew that Graham was going to die. Thunder snorted and stomped the ground with his powerful forelegs, he bucked and his forceful back leg crushed Graham’s skull. No more sound came from either of the two humans lips and Nel felt as if she had lost her only child, she felt worse than when she found David out on the pasture lying in the now auctioned off tractor.
Graham stood inside of Thunders stall, stroking the tip of his nose, feeding him some old carrots he had found by the door. A calm serene aura stood around the two of them, Nel had never before seen someone look so right standing beside an animal, nor had she seen an animal look so right standing beside a human. She felt an intense pride in him, and a disdain for herself for not having trusted him. She instantly felt like she had acquired a new son and rightfully so, she and him could share with one another, they had both been through loss, and both seemed to be searching for something the other could provide. Nel had no idea what all Graham had been through, and Graham did not believe that Nel was the one he could confide in about his past and about Them!
Over the next few days Nel was even more impressed with Graham and his amazing talents with the animals on the farm. He could almost understand them it seemed, and when he needed something from them he would just lock those sad eyes into theirs and seem to ask them with his stare, and every time they would do as he wanted.
His physical prowess seemed limitless, it was if he was a giant furnace that ran on Nel’s cooking, and he would work all day and come in at night like he had been napping from sun up to sundown.
Their conversations grew and grew; they blossomed from one answer, to full sentences, to sometimes Graham going as far as to ask her a question. Strangely none of their conversations ever went anywhere concrete, they always talked about the farm, or the town, or about how he had found a hunters trap on Nel’s property, but never anything about him, his past, or where he was headed.
Nel was confident that soon they would move into the conversations she knew he desperately needed to have, but she figured a day off into town would do them both good. So at 5AM the following morning Nel told Graham to get in the truck, and that they were going to town for a lil R&R and to get him some clothes for church.