Revelation

A sense of weightlessness and a feeling of floating 1st erupted into my mind, no thoughts of what had just happened invaded. The pain was no longer there, it was erased just like all the memories of before this moment. The thoughts of my family, friends, enemies, even the guy that makes my coffee were dissipating from my mind like chalk being erased from a board. Was it a bus? A bullet? Damn can’t recall anything but this feeling of floating it’s like the commercials of the NASA space astronauts. My eyes burn so very badly it’s like I have never viewed anything this white, the incandescent light is emanating from the floor, the ceiling, the walls, it’s like being in a room that doesn’t seem to have any walls. The light is actually the walls, there is nothing encapsulating me or holding me in this room, but its like I am floating, I can’t tell if I am floating upwards, or downwards, it’s like I am in limbo.
The realization of what had actually happened assaulted my mind all at once, I remember being shot by the robber in that gas station. How his eyes had shot hate at me at the exact moment that I had reached for the gun and grabbed his arm, that hate had hit me at the same time as the bullet. It was the last thing I would ever recall from earth, and it was becoming so very hard to hold onto that physical realization, everything was being torn from my mind, I am being stripped away of my freedoms, thoughts, my very humanity. That hateful look, I would remember it, nothing would take it from me, I hated that, that man had taken my life, he had robbed me of all that I was, and I would be damned if I would forget what he looked like or what he had done to me.
Fighting so very hard to hold onto that memory, I could feel my kids being torn from my mind, could feel my love being ripped away, so our 1st kiss floating out of my head into that light, could feel her soft body against mine being replaced with an emptiness of sorts, one that let me know something had been there, like the man that had his arm amputated, but still moved it while speaking although it was no longer there. This mental rape took all of my fantasies, all my desires, robbed me of everything that made me….me.
Pain was left to me; it was the one thing other than that man’s face that I was left with, the roaring pain the explosive pain that erupted throughout my being, it felt as if my spine was being torn into pieces. Screaming into the light, my voice was robbed of its decibels when it hit the light it became silent.
My shoulder blades were twisted and turned, my sinews ripped, I felt skin erupt, blood poured out over my arms, it ran down between my fingertips. Screaming only to hear the sound disappear into the light my back turned to accommodate whatever it was that was happening to me. Holes were bored out in my back, and I felt the tickling sensation of skin healing how I itched and then the blood ran back up my fingertips, flowing upwards it seemed back into my back and I felt the leathery sprouting and the smell of dander emerge from my back. Sensation returned and strangely I felt like I had more limbs, the wings that had grown into my back made me feel like I had four arms, I had complete control over them, it was as if I had been born this way.
Stretching my new limbs my amazement was satiated by the feeling that all was right, and I almost let go of the man who had shot me, and the hate that went with his visage.
My wings were an amazing white, one that matched the walls of my confinement. Moving them only made me feel better, made me feel freer. I longed to soar as I knew I could, to fly out over the world and to discover what I was truly intended for. The feeling that I was finally where I belonged, where life had intended for me to end up burst through my being, it filled me up, made me full, replaced all the memories that I had lost, my wife, kids, loved ones, fishing with my father. All of these seemed trivial compared to the eyes I felt watching me, the eyes of my true father, the one that I knew had made me. The being that had put all the complexities that had made myself…myself. The love I felt moving through these white confining boundaries fell into me and I knew that that feeling was only the surface, it was only the top of the wellspring that was this love, this being, and this heaven that was being offered to me.
The hand moved towards me reaching for my own, even the hand was beautiful it was silken looking, I knew it was the softest, yet most powerful hand in existence. Everything in my mind made me want to reach and take it, it was the right thing to do, to take this wonderful hand and to accept this wonderful feeling. When I moved my hand to take his, a wall of light and white stopped my hand, it blocked me creating a field that I could not penetrate, I tried to force my hand through but fire and pain welted my hand, forcing me backwards. Every time I went to take this angelic beings hand, that man that had killed me’s shark eyes filled my thoughts and would not leave, that hate had followed me here to this place and with it I was not going to be allowed in.
With this realization the sensation of floating stopped, the walls of my confinement stayed true, but the one below me grew steadily darker, and with the broken congruity the feeling of floating was replaced with falling!
Then the real pain started, the feeling of floating became more than a feeling, it became a reality, I could see the movement of my surroundings blurring, and try as I might my new wings would not stop my propulsion to the ground.
The burning started, my clothes or skin, I was moving far too fast to tell seemed to melt, it was as if I was coming through the atmosphere, like a spaceship, yet I did not have a burn shield, my eyes melted away from the infernal heat, blood poured from every orifice of my being, my body became a lump of smoldering pitch. At some point I ran out of blood and skin, even my skeleton had melted, yet still I remained corporeal, my wings were still physically there, but I was moving far too fast and with no eyes all I could experience was feeling. The pain and heat intensified exponentially as I felt myself approach the ground. And with an enormous crash I felt what I thought was my spine shatter on what felt like a jagged massive rock. My wings twisted and broke, they were no longer L’s but now felt more to resemble a S. This pain was the worst, the breaking of my spine or whatever it was; the burning sensation of what I hoped was my skin, and then the hands, scaly and claw tipped. The claws tearing into me, creating an itching sensation like when a cat scratches you, and oh how they tore into my wings, the most sensitive property of my remaining body, they pulled and tore and ripped, some of them must have brandished tools made specifically for this purpose, because a sawing sound buzzed into me, and pain mounted worse than anything you could possibly fathom, no words, no voice, nothing could explain the pain and feeling that decimated my will and shattered all of my remaining being.
Yet still the man’s hate filled eyes remained, no matter the pain, no matter the horrors They inflicted upon me, I could not shake his eyes, the eyes of a killer, one that no more thought about the man he had shot then what he had had for dinner the night before.
Still they worked on my wings, I could hear screeching sounds from their in my mind doglike lips. Explosive pain erupted through my left shoulder as one of my wings was sawed and torn off, the nub was still trying to move, and I could feel it twitching my mind was shattered and I could not even focus on the man and his evil killer’s eyes. Fire spewed forth from the hole where my wing had been scorching the remaining nub off and destroying all the evidence of the purity and peace I had experienced moments earlier.
The exalted screams of the doglike creatures reached an all time high when my other wings was ripped from my body and fire poured forth decimating all my hope of ever reaching the place where I knew I wanted to be.
Their whoops and hollers slowly began to rationalize in my mind and began to form words. “The master is coming! He will be pleased to know we finally broke him down”. The guttural tone of these creatures held a strange respect and I knew I didn’t want to meet this master they were referring to.
After all the pain, I couldn’t wrap my mind around the fact that I could still think, could understand these strange creatures, and still why I could still feel my skin, even though it was beyond hot in this place. Also my eyesight was slowly returning, it was like I was being tortured and painfully hurt, yet I was healing at the same time, as if it was all one big reciprocal circle, pain, heal, pain, heal.
As sight returned to me, it was like awakening in the middle of the night, you can’t actually see, but there are silhouettes everywhere of objects shrouded in black; however in this case a fiery silhouette shrouded everything, and there were no shadows, because this cavernous pit I found myself in had no sun, and in a place so very likely hell, there could never be a sun. The ceilings seemed to go on forever even though I could see the tops I could not gauge how tall it actually was. The walls were a blood red although every fifteen meters or so on the floor there was a pit of bubbling lava, emitting a gas I could only gauge as poisonous.
The creatures were just that creatures, they resembled things from the Island of Dr Moreau. Animal mixes with lacerating wounds all over their bodies like that of a whip lash. There were large ones, small ones, middle sized ones, and for every hundred or so I saw there was a even larger one resembling a 13 foot tall doglike pit demon, they each wielded a whip with a fork tongue, herding the smaller demonoids forward forcing them to march in procession towards a dais. Where sat halfway towards the ceiling the largest monstrosity I have ever seen.
His mouth curled into a smile, one that mocked humanity, tusks protruded outwards like that of a giant boar, he was easily 20 feet tall and thicker than any football player could ever hope to be. His fingers were all the same length, each had a thick claw on the end, and scales protected the exposed parts of his body. Armor plating of some metal I have never seen before coated his chest and legs; no helmet was needed because of an immense broken crown with a blood red ruby set in the middle that sat atop his head. Next to his throne, one that was entirely made of flames, flames that didn’t burn this behemoth, sat a rod, one in the form of a cross, this cross was upside down and it became apparent just who this monster was.
Looking right at this monster, gritting my teeth to concentrate, his eyes were the exact same as the eyes of the man that had killed me. Blinking from the heat that had filled my eyes, I reopened them to find myself staring at the most beautiful man I have ever seen. He resembled a movie star, but one that had an aura about him that demanded respect, demanded love, and demanded respect. His naked body was one you would find on a magazine cover, and his face was that of a greek marble statue. Perfection smiled out over his now transformed demonoids, they had transformed into humans, looking like a crowded street in New York, and they all bowed to this man appearing to be in his thirties. His smile curved and his beautiful features accentuated, making my knees go weak.
Strangely I couldn’t recall what he had looked like earlier before I blinked.
I desired this man, I wanted him, wanted to make him happy, and would do anything to make him notice me. I could tell that he knew that everyone in this room desired him, the way he sat in his ivory inlaid throne gave it away. I suddenly wanted to look in his eyes, wanted to see the eyes of perfection, to know what true desire looked like. When I stared into them they had not changed from earlier, and those memories came crashing down, his eyes, the eyes of a killer shone out over all of his now retransformed demons. With this realization I could see him for both of his sides, like those things you buy your kids that if you tilt one way you can see one picture, then tilt the other way and see a different picture. That is what this man/monster became to me. His lie had been exposed and I recalled the love and serene feeling I had felt before my plummet. At this time I knew that I had to find a way back to that place, and I knew I would do anything to earn my way back in.
Optimistically I hoped that my torture had subsided, and the pain actually began to dull to calm, needles in your skin kind of pain, instead of flesh melting blood boiling pain.
Crack! A whip! I began to laugh to myself, wondering how cinema had gotten the ideal of hell so perfectly right. It was so cliché yet the pain was so very much underscored, a chain of fire was fitted around my neck and the man on the throne stood and pointed at me. The fire burned my neck I could feel the heat against the bone, and I knew that my pain had only just begun.